There's Baking in the Air

I have an addiction.
It's the addiction of baking....when I'm stressed. And unfortunately I am constantly stressed. Which means....lots of baking. This poses a major problem for my bodily system. I'm sure my arteries are clogging up with sugar and salt and all the badness that clogs them. My fat reserves are slowly taking in the goodness that comes through my stomach, and my taste buds are rebelling against anything that taste healthy. My nose longs to smell the scent of freshly baked cookies or sweets.
Another reason this poses a problem...is because I should be stressing over exams I have to write this Thursday and Friday. But I find myself baking instead. The process just calms me, the music playing in the background as I attempt to make my measurements as precise as possible and perfect each cookie into a round shape. Perhaps it's subjective OCD...
In other news I have five days until I return home. More like 4 as it's already 4:30 here and I leave at 4 in the morning on Saturday. It doesn't feel super Christmas-y around here as we didn't have time to decorate the house and I find myself trapped indoors for the majority of the exam period. I hoped to get some things done, like planning out my Russia trip, but with my prof down with pneumonia and my morphology and phonology exam looming over me, that's just not going to happen. The ground is still green here in St. John's and it's hard to imagine it looking brown ever. The moss doesn't seem to die with the continual pelting of rain, sleet and heavy snow. I'm fine with that. At least it brightens up the world a little when the clouds are thundering freezing rain upon the city.
I also cannot determine whether I should enroll in a fifth class next semester. Perhaps that's what's been on my mind so much lately and the contributor to my stress. We'll find out once exams are finished.
The idea of coming home in 4 days and 12 hours excites me to no end. But I've been repressing that excitement so I can attempt to at least focus on school. I cannot wait to see everyone though! Please, if you want to see me, contact me! I'd love to go for a tea or sit down over baked goods and talk. But I should head off to finish cleaning up after making these amazing cookies and get my nose in the books.

Happy Holidays!

Snow like Dust upon Ancient Books

The smell of old library books wafted through the stuffy air of my small bedroom. Dust settles on the pages of the open texts, just as the snow is settling on the ground outside. It's been snowing since I've returned home three hours ago and it's still snowing hard. The ground is blanketed in a white duvet a few inches deep. Puffy, large snowflakes dance through the air, spiraling, twirling, settling on top of each other to form a perfect quilt handwoven by the creator.
It's beautiful. What else can I say? I could actually go on for pages describing the individuality of each snowflake and how out of the zillions that have fallen not one single one is alike. How is that? Have you ever wondered about that? I do every time a snowflake catches in the web of the screen of my window. It's simply amazing. Breath taking.
Now I'm sitting asking myself a question. Why in the world am I writing this out after I've just spent the last two weeks writing term papers? Well I've finished them and I want to write something I enjoy. I want to update everyone on the exciting news of St. John's. Wait for it............................
And I guess that's all I've got to write. Take care.









Kidding. In all honesty not a lot has been happening in my life with the end of the term coming up. I've been attempting to sort out St. Petersburg, but with my prof having pneumonia and these assignments, final tests and papers being due this week I just haven't had time to meet with him, let alone clean the house I live in.
One exciting thing is that I am typing this on my new computer! Yes the old one is well on its way out the door. I'm so tempted to throw it out the window as I've wanted to do so many times, but I think it'll stay safely in my room for gaming or movies until I can return it back to Red Deer where it will become my computer for composing as it started out to be. What a romantic end for it, ending where it started.
I can't say it was exciting getting my computer as it was quite the struggle to get it working to this point. After a week of waiting to reinstall the software I was able to do so in a 2.5 hour session with Dell on the phone.  Now I think is the point where I add how much I detest Windows 8 and how difficult I find it is to navigate. I would say that I'm a pretty tech savvy kind of person....but this is just impossible. So the Indian man I was talking to on the phone wasn't much help when he went through numerous steps in what I had to do without me being able to get off the lock screen. Struggling to keep up I found it rather frustrating and wanted to talk to a supervisor. In the end I didn't get that opportunity, just glad to be off the phone.
However that wasn't the end. I had to call them the next day to fix the problem of brightness as my computer screen was attempting to burn my eyeballs out. So squinting I followed the Indian man's directions. This man was much more specific however, giving much simpler directions to the point I was sitting there three steps ahead of him.
Him: "You are now on the desktop screen. Now look down at the bottom left corner and see the little e symbol. Please click that and it will open the internet."
-pause-
Him: "Have you done that?"
Me: "Yes....."
Him: "Now you see a window and at the top of that window is an address bar with a bunch of letters in it. Please click that and delete them all. Then type w....w.....w....."

And thus our conversation continued to proceed. After 2 hours I was finished and my computer seems to still be working, so I'll take that as a good sign.
Christmas is coming upon us. I plan on doing all my shopping this weekend so that I can focus on studying for my exams the coming two weeks. And then....in 16 days I will be back in the land of Alberta. I'm excited, but trying to contain it so that I can stay focused. That's hard though when all you literally dream about is your family and dog back home. It'll be a good holiday. But I should be off to study for my Japanese exam, now that I have time. I pray you're all doing well and hope you stay safe over the holidays.

Happy Holidays!

"Ever Thought about that there's never been an identical sunrise?"

The smell of a white board marker wafts through the air as a long list appears beneath the felt tip. The list starts at the top of the blue board, messy letters cascading down to the metal rim holding the square together. A drawing of an owl peers back at me as my eyes skim over the messy list headed with the simplest two words that carry so much weight I can almost physically feel it on my shoulders: "To Do" with a neat line beneath it. Falling back in my chair I put the cap on to halt the fragrance from settling further within the corners of my room and stare up at the constellations mapped out on my walls.
The voices of Beautiful Eulogy break the silence of the deserted house, the  brown walls staring at each other in the slowly darkening halls and rooms. I straighten my back in an attempt at better posture and press my socked feet into the carpet, wheeling myself back to my desk that's cluttered with numerous books, too many pens for the amount of hands I have, and Kleenex. It's now I determine my obsession with Kleenex...
But this is exactly what is going on in my life the past few weeks. I've distracted you, the reader, from what the purpose of this post is about. I don't want you to know my every obsession and what I do every second of my life. For if I wrote about that you'd be wasting your life and bored out of your mind. Let's make it short and simple. I've been dealing with everything Satan seems to be throwing at me successfully distracting me from the main purpose of my life. To find time to read and study my bible within the past few months I've come to realize is just not happening. I lie to myself reading a chapter or two before going to bed before falling asleep and forgetting what I read. That isn't the point of reading the bible. It's not a book to just pick up and read then forget. No we're commanded to memorize and study it. It's not a storybook like the books I've been reading endlessly for school. It's supposed to be part of me, part of my life. How can I go about being an influence to the youth I'm working with in the church and to my Christian brothers and sisters when I can hardly recite anything from memory? It disturbs me that I've been caught up in all these distractions and shoving my God on the shelf. Sure that might sound a little harsh, but I'm not going to sit here and try to raise myself up to some heavenly position because we all know that I'm nothing but a grain of sand on a beach in the universe. I don't deserve what God's given to me. I have to continually remind myself the only reason I'm where I am is because of Him. Nothing that I've done. It's all been Him and His will.
However as depressing as I seem to be making this blog I do want to express my gratitude for the prayers that have been prayed this week for me. My mother informed me of her churches prayer for me and I have to thank my friends around me who are praying for me. It's helped me immensely the past week and continues to give me strength to keep my head up and keep pushing on. But I guess I want to say now if you're still praying, please pray that we don't get distracted from these earthly distractions and rather be distracted from this earth by God and his word. The lion of the devil has attacked and thrown me into a frenzy lately and I'm positive I'm not the only one. God can fight that lion, let him do that for you. I'll be praying this for you.

Check out this amazing song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dxz5P9CRzr8

Pożegnanie

I will Love in this Life until I finally have to go

It's a windy, rainy, cool day and the anxiety has pounced upon me like a lion on its prey. The feeling of a queezy stomach, the strength leaving my muscles and my legs threatening to buckle out from under me is getting to be an all too familiar feeling. I've been given the "tools" to deal with the anxiety but it still creeps up on me from time and time again. So I turned to journaling as I have done this entire summer. I'll warn you now...I don't know who this post is intended for but as soon as I'd finished wiping tears from my face I had to get up and write this. The tears are still threatening to spill over onto my cheeks.
The quote hit me hard when I opened my "It's Gonna Be Okay" journal. Sometimes I'm positive that God has a way with the quotes in this book and the timing I open and write in them because they usually seem to speak out to what I'm feeling.
"The problem with self-improvement is knowing when to quit." - David Lee Roth
I wasn't even worrying about self-improvement...or at least I hadn't thought I was. I'd been worried about going outside in the wretched weather and looking like crap when I got to school. I'd been worrying my assignments and how I needed to work on them and make them perfect to achieve the marks I've been striving for. I'd been worrying about how I'd get to the functions happening this weekend and if I'd be bothering people if I asked for rides. I'd been worrying about this cold and whether or not it'd attack me before tomorrow (as I told my prof it would) or if it'd wait and I'd be sicker then a dog on Monday when I have to give my presentation. I'd been worrying about the feeling of anxiety and how it cripples my ability to function at all. What if it came at Christmas like it did last year? Would I spend another New Years Eve trying not to puke my brains out and avoid all contact with people?
But in reality when I looked at all of this I realized it was a form of self-improvement. And then it hit me as if I'd run into a brick wall. God...loves...me. Let me say it again. God loves me. I couldn't get over this. I kept repeating it over and over. If you looked at my journal you'd see under 25/10/12 the phrase written numerous times. He sent his own son to die for me! Do you understand what that means? A lot of the time, I'll admit, I really don't think about it that much. I'm like ya meh he died for me...awesome. But I don't take it seriously...until now. I could write it over and over and over. He loved me enough to die to save me. He wants to save me. He wants to save you. We are his creation. It's like when I create a piece of art...I hover over that piece and protect it, knowing that if it's even scratched how angry I'd be. Times that by a billion. God is hovering around us, he dwells within us. Nothing can hurt us. No man, no assignment, no demon, no devil, none of creation can rip us from God's hand. He loves us. You, me, her, him, them, us.
I don't know if that gets the point across....in fact I'm pretty sure it doesn't because I'm still writing He loves me over and over and I still can't grasp how precious I am to him. We are all that precious to him. We don't deserve His love. You know we don't. I know we don't. But He still He loves us.

"For Everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world-our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" 1 John 5:4-5

Beware of Erratic Post

My mind is a jumbled mess, things passing by my eyes constantly but hardly any of it being registered in my mind. If I stare at you with a blank stare do not take offence...you aren't boring, I'm just completely absorbed in trying to keep myself from exploding into a complete mess. We all know I've dealt with horrible anxiety and I do have to admit, the only thing keeping me from breaking down to the point of needing to go into an asylum is 1. God and 2. My mother.
Number 1 is always there, no matter what. I can rant to him at any time I want, cry to him in the confines of my room away from the world, freak out about an exam during the exam to him, go to him in silence and let him speak to me, or just go to him and rest in his comforting and sustaining arms. He is my home. He is my comfort. He is my sanity. He is my everything...the list could honestly go on forever.
Number 2 is one of the most important person in my life. Sure we've had our times where we don't get along or don't have the time to talk or be around each other. But my mother has listened and put up with so much crap from me I have no idea how she's not deaf or hasn't beaten some sense into me. When I've broken down to the point of lying on the floor in a heap of sweat and tears she's the one who's spoken me through it and helped me get back up on my feet (no doubt with the help of God).
At first I didn't mean this to be a thank you post or an information post on who my most important influences and people are in my life. However that seems to be the way it's started.
Thanksgiving was absolutely wonderful. We had so much support from our church family and had a lot of the food provided for us so that Julia and I could just cook it up for the 25 people that attended. We had a lot of fun and I'd definitely say it was a success. Thank you to everyone who came out and to everyone who helped out. We appreciate your support! :)
Today a group of us headed down to see the Kruzenshtern, the second largest tall ship in the world. I officially have finally reached my goal of going to Russia! Technically it is Russian property and thus I claim it to be Russia.... :) I still want to go to the real land though. The ship was magnificent and massive. The amount of ropes on it were insane, some of them larger then myself around and probably weighed a whole lot more than me. It was quite the experience and I do have to say once again I'm glad I came to Newfoundland.
Sorry for the short and erratic post, but I just needed to rant a bit to keep my sanity. I promise the next one will be a little more civilized and detailed.

Ahoy!

The Land of Icebergs Doesn't Contain Iceberg Lettuce...

The smell of pancake batter transforming into cooked, fluffy pancakes wafted through the house, permeating every corner and crack. No doubt the smell of burning batter will soon replace the fresh smell as I write this blog post. The rain is falling down like glass diamonds falling from heaven, smashing into a thousand smaller diamonds as they collide with the deck. The house is silent asides from the music playing from the laptop speakers. The outdoor temperature has infiltrated our house, leaving it a solid ten degrees or less. However, stubborn as I am, I will not touch the thermometer...not until November.
Today, Saturday the sixth of October, is going to be a day full of prep work, laughs and wonderfully smelling apartments. Julia, a dear friend of mine, and I have taken on the task of preparing and hosting a Thanksgiving dinner for an audience of thirty young adults. There is no bragging in that statement, let me assure you. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter....any big holidays...spent with the Anderson clan results in fifty people; so thirty is not so bad. We've had overwhelming support from the church, with families donating everything from two turkeys, pounds of carrots and root vegetables, to juice. We never expected it, but it's definitely a sign God is at work. But just as it seemed like everything was falling into place, I ran into a problem...with the iceberg lettuce.
Now, when we were planning our dinner Julia informed me that they never had a green salad at Thanksgiving. My thoughts immediately went to my mother's layer salad she makes for absolutely every holiday...and when she doesn't there's an uproar. So I suggested I'd make it for us and bring in a little tradition from back home. Unfortunately I never realized how horribly difficult a task I'd undertaken.
Remember how I live on an island. It's called Newfoundland. And I live on the most Eastern point of Canada. Everything is shipped in. Everything. Banana's stop in Montreal before heading here, either a dark green colour that'll never change in this climate, or dark brown. A lot of vegetables aren't available at all. It is the fall and there is a little farm that does produce fresh vegetables and they're quite superb. However! Iceberg lettuce...or any kind of lettuce for that matter...does not make it to this island in any good shape or form. I went to three different grocery stores in search of the bottom layer of this salad, finding rotten organic iceberg lettuce and wilted Romaine lettuce. So it was yesterday when I purchased two containers of slightly wilted Romaine lettuce in hopes I can freshen it up and make it work.

In other news I've connected with my Russian prof about doing an exchange to Russia. I'll give you a short update on that now. We've discussed a university in St. Petersburg called the Herzen State Pedagogical University. http://www.herzen.spb.ru/en/ I would be going next fall for a semester before hopefully returning back to Canada...or staying for another term -evil grin-. I'm thrilled at the idea of fulfilling my childhood dream of going to Russia, but also terrified to the bone. Further updates shall be posted in the future.

Now I must depart and take care of the burning pancakes. I pray you all have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving filled with joy, friends and family.

до свидания

We're All Desperately Searching for Truth

The rain is falling straighter then I've ever seen it fall before here. The house is silent and dark, the cars splashing through puddles heard from an open window. The humidity is coating everything in a layer of stickiness and causing glasses full of cold water to sweat. Steam sweeps off the surface of a hot tea that isn't ideal for the temperature it currently is. Guitar strums can be heard from a pair of headphones attached to an illuminated laptop by which I write to you on. Each keystroke I watch appear upon the bright screen is harder to type as my thoughts sit in a jumble in my exhausted brain.

We take all the good around us and turn it to hell.

At first the song, "City of Orphans" by The Classic Crime, struck me as a rather depressing and confusing song. The more I listened to it however I realized that some of the lyrics struck home. The ones I've posted here struck me today as I've been discussing numerous activities people do these days with various people. We take too many good things, like relationships, families, the beautiful environment God has provided for us, etc. and ruin it with what is deep rooted in our nature...sin. We all do it, no one can deny that. It was just interesting to talk with so many people this weekend randomly about it. 

I have to confess that I've also realized I've been slacking off. I was once told that writing was a gift God had given to me. There's always been a lot of talk around about using your gifts and reaching out to others...and to be honest I really haven't wrote in months. Sure I've written a few blog posts here or there, but nothing sincere in respects to God and the love he's provided me. Life's busy, but I'm planning to fit that in somewhere so that I don't forget about this precious gift I've been given. I encourage others to look at themselves and the gifts God has given them and remember they're there for everyone's benefit. 

Life in St. John's is going well. I've dedicated some time to serving with Youth at the chapel and am thrilled to be part of it. Bible study has started up and I'm more than excited for studying the book of Joshua. Some of the young ladies and I have begun a small group during the week and I'm part of a mentoring program at the church. So as you can see...that just being church activities...my schedule does get a bit clogged up. Thankfully I'm not relying on my own strength though and know that He will provide what I need, when I need it. 

God bless.

Pendulum

The professor babbling at the front of the classroom had morphed into a pendulum as he walked from one side of the classroom to the other. It seemed as though a gunshot wouldn't keep my eyes from slowly drifting downwards, shutting off the world from my consciousness. As the fact I was eye level, sitting in the middle of the room with raised seating, with the prof I pulled myself back together. But as soon as he continued to drone on about writing I felt my overtired brain begin to ooze out my ears. I attempted to guess what words he was going to write on the board next, only to find I was wrong numerous times, creating a jumble of scribbled out words on my notes.
...And I'd been terrified of coming to this class?
Only did I realize the reason my mind was so far out in space and my lids were attempting to close up on themselves later today when I was sitting downtown waiting for the bus to head home from coffee. That awful feeling back in the base of your nose (or your sinuses) that tickles and slightly hurts as you draw breath in through your nostrils began to sink down into my throat. The cold (or as they say here "flu") had caught me. The one that'd consumed my friends' bodies this past week had been passed onto myself and now I sit here with a hot cup of tea and my eyes hardly open writing this.
Once again a hurricane is upon us. Tomorrow morning we will be bracing against tropical storm winds and flooding rains. Personally I could care less at this point. I don't have class till later tomorrow afternoon and all I care about right now is getting a ton of sleep. Classes are beginning to take over my life and the work load is slowly piling up as I stall more and more. The coming of this cold won't be of any help at all as I get wonky when I'm sick and can hardly remember my roommates' names. However I did want to update you all and say classes are wonderful and I think I may enjoy this semester thoroughly.
I felt like this video was necessary....story of my life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrhCUZXbJ0I

Adiós.

I have Returned from the Land of Alberta

Ignoring the fact that I would be boarding a plane and heading back across the country seemed to suppress the feeling of anxiety I've felt on the past few trips. However I can't take all the credit. I know there have been many a prayer sent out regarding the anxiety problems I've experienced this past year. So praise the Lord! I'm back in Newfoundland and I'm slowly falling back into reality. The smell of home-made meals and the familiar whining of Kiwi are well missed, but I know it is only a short period of time before I return to them.
I apologize for the lack of posts this summer. There wasn't much I had to post about. Well...that's kind of a lie. There were many days I could have wrote endless blogs about the disgusting pile of soaking wet garbage that stood higher then my 5'6 frame, or the days spent in the gruelling 34 ° C heat (and do not ask how I made that  ° sign....it erased my whole post -_-). Overall it was a wonderful summer spent with family and friends. Congratulations to my highschool best friend who was married last Saturday. The wedding was a complete blast and I hope the best for them in the future. 

School starts in less then a week. I don't have enough money to live for the semester and my allergies have decided they're going to attempt to kill me. I've already had a nosebleed and yesterday was the first time I've stayed up 30 + hours with less then 2 hours of sleep. I have five pairs of high heels hidden under my bed that I'm afraid won't be worn as the hills here will soon become sleet covered and slippery. Perhaps if I need something to post about I'll put them on during a blizzard or hurricane and go for a jaunt. I've managed to catch the bus every time I've gone to the stop so far (a total of six times in a row! Record breaking, I know) and I've found all the class rooms my lectures will occur in. So far I think I'm running on top of the world.

I'm sure it won't last long...but we can hope right? Or are you all hoping otherwise for more entertaining blog posts? Trust me...they will come. I promise.

Привет

Every Heart should Feel the Depths of Your Glory

A sunset overlooking the ocean with feet touching the edge of cliffs that plunge down to the frozen waters is one of the most memorable times God has given me since I've moved to Newfoundland. The calmness of the ever present wind and the clearness of the sky had me lying down on my back in the grass once the sun had dipped below the rocky horizon. Gulls soared effortlessly on currents of air, hardly making a sound as they passed down to lower ledges out of sight. A star shone brightly in the dusky sky, a flat iceberg we were, and still are, unsure of how to classify floated on the surface of the dark salty water. This was where I'd come and I thank God for it every single day.

However we need to backup from this image and discover that I was lying on the cliffs of Bell Island and not the main island of Newfoundland. It was the evening of Good Friday, a day that'd started out with a church service following with a wonderful potluck. Word spread like a wildfire that we were going on a small road trip, hopping a ferry and exploring the small island fifteen minutes from St. John's. There was doubt and slight chaos threatening to leave us stranded in St. John's, but we pushed on and seven of us ended up braving the windy ferry and traversing up a path to build a fire in woods that enclosed all around us. Hot dogs were cooked and smoke signals were formed before we smothered the coals and headed back to the cars.
Driving to the coast of the island with a small white lighthouse brought us to the point I'd introduced at the beginning of this post. Watching the guys toss rocks and wood off the cliffs concluded our dusk experience before we headed off to what Keegan called "Richard's fish and chips". Upon arriving we discovered it was actually "Dicks's fish and chips." And no....I did not add an extra "s" there. Newfoundland...enough said.<3

Boarding a much smaller ferry than what we'd arrived on, we headed back to St. John's and traveled up to Signal hill to look at the stars only to find clouds covering the once clear sky. The cities lights made up for it however and had I brought my camera along and been prepared for this trip (wearing holey converse wasn't my best decision either) I would have had a better picture with Keegan's head not blocking half the picture.
And thus concluded our trip to Bell Island.
Which only kicked off the Easter weekend. Nicole arrived at my doorstep carrying a bag I could hardly lift, filled with ingredients to begin our baking spree for Easter dinner on Sunday. Amazing nacho's with a lentil mixture were created followed by three hours of creating two pumpkin pies and an apple pie. Going to bed with a horrid headache I awoke struggling to keep whatever was in my stomach down. Crawling to the bathroom I forced myself into the shower and prepared for the day wondering if I'd make it out the door alive. Taking doses of gravol and pepto bismal only had me falling asleep in the chair while waiting for a drive. But I made it and Nicole, Julia and I slaved over a hot stove the afternoon following church, having a time. The mountain of food we had left after eating and cleaning guaranteed three of us a meal for the entire week. Needless to say Easter was memorable and it ended with a good hour and a half spent alone in my room with God.
It never ceases to amaze me how he blesses me with all that he has; the loving family he's given me, the situations I've been put through, the living situation he's put me in, the blessed friend's he's brought me to, and most of all the Son he sent for me and the rest of the world.
God Bless.

Beware Blog Post May Bite

Here I sit, with 5 Word documents open, 5 tabs on my internet and numerous books scattered all around me. I'm writing a blog post, something I do not have the time for but yet have found the time to write. My state of being is well...nothing more than overly grumpy. I am not overly tired, nor am I in trouble emotionally or financially. I am just grumpy.
I guess it might have started going to bed last night with neighbors running around their house with lead shoes on while listening to what sounded like a drum set sequence on a cheap keyboard. Even as I sit and write this to you I can hear them pounding through their house as though they're Thor or Zeus, making known their presence with thunderbolts on their feet. Slamming the door they almost knock our poor, wretched plants from their shelves.
One of these days I'll go out there and smile at them before slamming the door as hard as I can....and this time the wind won't catch it. It's like every time I've attempted to do that, God has sent a saving wind to slow it down so that I can't even close the door at all. It gets me every time.
Awaking to a roommate who I'm not sure if she was clearing her throat or singing in the kitchen only brightened my gloomy mood. -_- Crawling out of bed I was barely able to leave the house on time, having to flag the bus down as though I was some woman in New York hailing a yellow taxi in the crowded streets. I could have sworn he was going to drive right past me, despite seeing my bright red arms waving. To get back at me he dropped me off a stop after I'd pulled the chain.
So I've locked myself in my kitchen, staring at the five documents and attempting to juggle two essays, wanting to finish them before this hectic week began. Alas after thinking I'd finished one, I found it was indeed not three pages but two as well as the other only being one page instead of two. The odds are against me today.
I spoke briefly to my Aunt yesterday and she kindly informed me that I return home in 35 days. My heart has had numerous heart attacks over the past few weeks and that didn't help it as I have yet to learn if I even am coming home to a job or coming home to be jobless.
The sun is shining through the window right into my eyes as though mocking me, taunting me and making my body yearn for the warm weather all of Canada felt this past week except for Newfoundland. We kindly got the complete opposite with windchills near -20 rather than heat waves near +30. Sunny Alberta can't come fast enough.
I do feel I will miss not being able to spend summer in NL however. I will miss my dear friends and the freedom of living on my own. But it is only a short while before I will return to the hurricane season and continue yet another semester.

Bleh.

Live Like No Tomorrow

My eyes felt like lead last night, closing as soon as my head touched the pillow. They didn't open until 9:00 this morning, resulting in a 11 hour sleep that hasn't occurred in a year...or so it feels like. I awoke with a fire burning in my heart, a spring in my step and found I was restless laying in bed listening to Jack Johnson. Getting up I couldn't help but smile for what I had planned for the day. Out of the five things on my list of things to accomplish today I was only excited for one...that being memorize John 1.
As you all may be aware I was on a retreat this weekend with the church I attend. It was a wonderful time to get away from the city and enjoy some time relaxing with friends and getting to know people better. And as is usual for me after a great weekend retreat I came back passionate about my relationship with Christ and excited. This week is lent, an annual season for Christians. Not all recognize this season and that's perfectly fine in my opinion, but a few years ago I decided to start recognizing it to challenge myself. In the past I've given up things like food items, but this year I'm going to give up something a little different. I have the material aspect still, giving up Facebook and online TV for the 40 days, but I am also going to make a goal. That goal is to not use the word "hate" in the sense "I hate this" or "You could hate that". Now remember I said this is a goal...not a must. I know we all have horrible and negative days, something some people have more often than others. But I've come to realize how negative everyone around me is and the last thing they need is another negative influence in their life. So I'm going to be that one light as I'm supposed to be and try not to burn out.
I've realized a lot this past weekend along with going to different group sessions at our counselling service at the university. Negativity gets us no where and it effects those around us dramatically as well as ourselves. It's unhealthy and in a day and age that's obsessed with health it's one thing people seem to forget. It's not just their fault though, it's in their sinful nature as we aren't made perfect.
I'm happy to say I have the Lord to lean on through these 40 days and hope to make a good habit of being more positive. I feel without the distractions of social media and media I will have more time to focus on God and my goal to memorize the gospel of John. Don't panic either, if I'll keep you all updated through this blog in those 40 days which automatically is posted to Facebook. You know how to contact me otherwise.
God Bless.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

(Psalm 73:26)

S'more Mushroom Tops

Well winter has surely hit the rock and my roommates and I find ourselves buried beneath a good pile of snow I can't see over standing beside. Classes are in full swing as are midterms and assignments while the midterm break is just around the corner. A storm "looms" over the Atlantic provinces this evening and I am fully expecting a hurricane tomorrow despite it being many months after the season.
The smell of bread rising and S'more cupcakes fills the air of our apartment and I sit in the kitchen now writing this blog while I wait patiently for 11:00 to strike so that I might bunch down the bread once again before forming it into rolls. I was at first skeptical about the S'more cupcakes, but in the end they turned out quite alright, not too sweet and not too bad over all. However the buns might be a different story, I'll be sure to update sometime in the future.
And now before I forget I figure I should probably write out the idea behind the psychedelic pancakes I made a weekend or so ago. It was quite simple, using the pancake recipe I usually use I traded the chocolate chips for M&M's. When stirring them into the batter I found the dye spreading throughout the batter and was left with the colourful pancakes. Hope that clears any suspicions as to how to make them :)
I've found baking to be my escape from everyday stresses and after an extremely stressful week it was nice to bake some cupcakes and start buns. Even now as I sit here at 10:30 I happened to glance over to the dough on the oven and cannot believe how much it has risen. We're going to have buns coming out from every hole in this house after tomorrow morning.
Besides baking, life has been nothing but an uphill climb towards a wonderful peak of happiness and joy. It's been a long recovery since my fall during the holidays but it's coming along and each day I've grown stronger with the Lord's help. I miss all of you who are far away dearly and am glad I know those of you who are with me here in NL. I will be attending a retreat next weekend which I am thoroughly excited to be going on. Expect a post after that weekend.

Guten Nacht.

January's Last Attempt at Winter

The white out was as bad as it looked. The snow was absolutely stunning yesterday morning when I walked to the bus and stood waiting. There was hardly any wind and had I had a pen and paper I would have scrawled out quite a scene or beautiful poem. It reminded me of the question "have you ever seen the wind" and how I would answer that question if I was asked. The way the snow moved as one, like a living being, when the wind picked up was amazing, the huge flakes moving in unison before settling back into a straight falling pattern. I knew we were going to get snow...I just wasn't sure if it'd let up or not within an hour or so.
Two hours later, sitting in my NL linguistics class someone brought up that it looked like we were in a cloud. Upon looking out the window one could see the comment was suitable for the time. It was a complete white out, the only thing visible besides a cloud of snow was more snowflakes falling closer to the window. Another hour later and I was walking home in a blizzard. The wind whipped the snow about violently and I wasn't quite sure whether or not it was snowing or it was just the snow coming off the ground that'd fallen earlier that morning. Coming home I figured I'd get the 15 cms off the driveway before we got another 15 cms, shoveling as fast as I could. Needless to say 2 hours of my day yesterday consisted of me digging out the drive and attempting to pile it up on the mountain of snow that was taller than Liz and I.
Now the first thing I want to bring up after describing this is...oh you guessed it...plows. I've come to realize you sick people get joy out of my hatred. There aren't a lot of things that I hate in this world...but ever since I've moved here I cannot begin to explain my loathe for the plows. It never struck me that they could be such a nuisance, in Saskatchewan they didn't even have plows to plow the streets (or so it seemed) and in Red Deer we were far enough away from the main street they didn't bother you at important times used for sleep. And I'm sure by now you've all ready my jumble of letters of a status that I post at 4:00 am in complete fury at being woken up.
However...I am not here to rant about them waking me at 4:00 am. I knew better than anyone that those plows would be out all night last night, not just starting at 4:00 am. I could even hear them when I attempted to lie down at 10:00 pm last night, though their beepers weren't on for some odd reason. So being wiser than I had been in quite a time I plugged my headphones into my ears and kept my ipod on in hopes it'd drown out the sound. It wasn't long till I realized I would probably get less sleep due to being uncomfortable from my headphones than I would if the plows woke me up for 2 hours at 4. Frustrated I put the ipod on my stereo and did my best to fall asleep trying not to think about the 4 am wake up call.
It never came.
At 4:00 my body woke me up, my eyes flickering to my phone to check the time. Anger tore through my veins as I anticipated it had been the plows that had caused me to awake at such an unearthly time. But there was nothing. No beeping, no train in the backyard. Nothing. Calming myself I found I fell asleep, awaking at 6:30 am to hear my roommate before I heard the plow's beepers. That was okay, I was fine with 6:30...it could've been worse.
Frustration did course through my mind however when I stepped out the front door and saw the moderately sized pile of crusty/hard snow the plow had plowed onto our shoveled drive. Just for once I'd thought the plow and I had had some unspoken realization of our hate for each other and were going to compromise. But no. That's not how it's going to be. This is war.
Besides the plow...no I am not sick of all the snow. There's your answer. Ask me in a month. I'm thrilled to see snow in the 2 week forecast and no rain. -crosses fingers- One can hope it doesn't change. I don't know how to shovel anymore snow off the drive when it comes as I can't reach the top of the hill in our yard. I might have to invest in a sled by which I can put snow on and then pull it away to somewhere else and dump it. More ideas will be coming soon.

Stay tuned.

So You Don't Know Where You're Going...

Upon sitting at the kitchen table the past two mornings with books piled high around me, some open to specific pages with highlighted sentences and notes scrawled about around the paragraphs on the white page, I have come to a revelation that I do not know what I am going to do in my life. For some reason this might have scared me a few days or even years ago...but as of right now I am completely fine with this fact. Liz and I have had a few conversations over the past few weeks since our return from Christmas holidays that we only live life once and how we want it to be enjoyable. Of course not every moment, hour, day or week is enjoyable, but there are those moments, those hours, those days or those weeks that are enjoyable...and they stick out a lot more in our memories than the boring and dull ones. Someone might ask what you did over the weekend and you might have done nothing at all and just say nothing, while thinking to yourself "what did I actually do?" and upon thinking about this question you honestly can't remember. But when there's a moment in there that was enjoyable it instantly pops out at you like a shooting star among the millions of other stationary stars.
Now of course my parents are reading this moments, hours or days after I've posted this (hopefully not weeks) and having a fit at the idea of me being some lowly bum sitting around doing art for the rest of my life on a street corner. This is not the case though. I am continuing with my program and the more I've sat here these two days the more I've realized how passionate about it. I do not know what I will do with my degree after I come out of university, but at this point I really am not worried about it. There are many options I can explore and with three or four years of school left for my undergraduate I have lots of time to ponder over these options. The idea of not knowing excites me at this point and I have been exploring these options reading articles about them and the prerequisites for further education for the past hour now, ignoring those books staring up at me.
I must apologize for that slight rant...but I just wanted to express the feeling of freedom I have come to feel over the past two days after realizing I should not be stressed about my life at this point. I am young...the world is laid down at my feet and I can pick whatever paths I want to tread upon. There are no strings holding my limbs and moving them, there are no pegs holding me down to the spot...
By now you will all have noticed my relationship status has changed and, perhaps, some of my posts on Facebook about my impending doom and facing fears. I will now inform you that all of those status's were true at the point I posted them, but I am fine. I could never have imagined the support I received from everyone the past few weeks and am slowly coming to realize that this world may be huge and scary, but even thousands of miles away from home I have family and friends who are there to support me and make sure I'm doing alright. Even the friends I have here have shown support beyond my expectations. And I want to thank you all for it, was and is needed at times and you all seem to know when and how. <3
Some of you may also be wondering as to why I've spent the past two days indoors. That would be because of the piling of snow that has occurred over the past 48 hours as we've had over a foot now and it is still snowing. My spirits have been high with this weather as it's finally feeling like winter and I'm embracing it as much as I can because I know it'll only disappear within the next week or so and reveal green grass/moss once again.
Studies are going well in school as I've mentioned before. I've been doing my best to set out a schedule for myself so that I can complete my five courses with as high of grades as I've set my goal. The more we go into depth in them the more I'm enjoying them and actually having fun...which is important when you're doing something you'll need to know for the rest of your life or as long as you want to pursue a career in that field.
But once again I want to thank you all and I wish I could reach out and give you all big hugs for all that you've done, said and offered these past few weeks. I'll pull through perfectly fine and continue to explore as I always seem to find myself doing.

Cheerio!

"Snowpocalypse"

I've discovered that when it snows in Newfoundland...it doesn't just sprinkle a little snow. I mean sometimes yes it might, but it quickly disappears. But when it wants to stick around for more than 24 hrs it dumps. We all knew it was coming, the weather network had warned us about 10 cm's of snow falling. However I had forgotten how much 10 cms really was before stepping out the front door this morning. I was met with an unusual windless morning and a curtain of falling snow that made it difficult to see the intersection near Tim Hortons I could usually spot coming out the front door. My first step into the blanket of snow that covered our front porch, Angie's footsteps having completely vanished (Angie having left no more than forty minutes before me), disappeared under the whiteness and I was glad to have bought tall winter boots before Christmas. Upon returning home this afternoon I found drifts coming past my knees and cringed at the thought of shoveling off the drive. Leaving it for another hour or two I finally came out in the warm weather, the snow having stopped falling and the wind hardly blowing. It took me an hour to shovel off our tiny driveway and by the end I could hardly throw the snow over the pile I had created on the corner of our yard as there appeared to be more snow near the road due to a drift. Shoveling the sidewalk was also important as that was what I used to get around and most people here seem to neglect that part of their property when it comes to shoveling. So spending a decent amount of time getting rid of the drift on the sidewalk I finally moved back inside with a sigh, pulling off my snow stuff only to hear the beeping of a backing up plow. Smiling I watched it as it moved around the close, glad that it was pushing the snow to the center area of our close off the streets. It wasn't until I'd pulled my boots and snowpants off that I looked back and looked with horror at the rather large pile of snow the plow had situated along the sidewalk I had just spent the majority of my time shoveling off. The feeling of anger and dread one feels when they just finish a task that takes precious time to do cannot be fully described in a blog. I rested my hot forehead against the window and glared out at the pile willing it to go away but found it sitting, not budging despite my willing of it away. Giving up on telepathy with a mindless substance I turned and ascended to my room to continue with homework that seems to have piled as high as the snow outside despite it only being the fifth day of classes. Fortunately for you all I have ignored that pile and am quickly writing this blog now. I figured I could justify it as I have to create a blog for reporting my research on Newfoundlander's conversations (on which I was encouraged to eavesdrop on) for my Newfoundland and Labrador Linguistics course. Among my other classes this one seems to be the most time consuming with quite a bit of reading, assignments and research of which I am thinking is going to be difficult with my lack of knowledge of locations in NL and how people sound from different places without asking them as to where they're from. However I cannot afford to drop this course and must push on. Christmas break was wonderful being back home with family, friends and Kiwi. Unfortunately I've come down with some sickness for the past three weeks and though it is getting better slowly each day, I still feel its toll on my body. I was sad to leave Alberta in such condition but had no choice as classes started up right after the New Year. It seems the blues have fallen over the house despite all our return as we realize our time of freedom has ended and we've been thrown back into the chaotic and hectic schedule of school and work. But without anymore delay I shall be off to start shoveling this pile of homework. I do hope all was well over the holidays for you and wish you all the best in the year of 2012.

And last but not least I have a saved quote from Angie for her statement part of the blog, having been describing someone to Liz and I as we sat around the table one evening in December. She came to the conclusion that the words "He's like a soggy corn pop" were the best in describing the guy she was telling us about.

Happy New Year!