Life's for the Living, So Live it or You're Better off Dead

The rain falls against the window sliding down and creating dotted patterns upon the glass. Leaves lay heavy on the branches as droplets fall from their tips. Birds hide under facets, looking out as the rain pours down from the low grey clouds. Fog sweeps through alleyways between houses and rolls over the endless hills of St. John's.

And I sit in my beautiful kitchen watching it all pass by instead of writing my research paper that's due tomorrow. But I've been meaning to write a blog post for the past week and it wasn't until now that I've been motivated to do so. So what better time then the present?

Tobi and I are happily settled into our new home with our third roommate Nicole just unpacking and our fourth, Julia, packing up to move in tomorrow. We've become an outpost for those in need of a couch, or in our case a futon, to stay while finding living arrangements during this hectic time of the year. By now you've all heard, seen or watched our vlog and realized how in love I am with our house. I spend the majority of my time in the kitchen as I absolutely love the bay windows and looking out at the beautiful maple trees covering our backyard. Cooking has been occurring as well as I love the amount of work space I have, along with the fact I have nothing to do in my time besides my research paper. 

People have constantly been asking how Russia was and I have begun to hate the question. I cannot possibly find words to put my experience into. It was absolutely amazing, wonderful, adventurous, and more than I ever wanted it to be. Would I go back? In a heart beat. Do I miss it? Everyday. What was the best part? Every single moment I was breathing Russian air. What was the food like? Yummy. What were the people like? Cold on the outside, warm when you spoke to them. Was it dangerous? I didn't feel in danger once. Did you make friends? I made more than friends, we were a family for 30 days to each other. 

There's so much more I could say and it would take blog post upon blog post upon blog post. As I said in my previous blog post I would much rather sit over a cup of tea or coffee (Now that I'm drinking caffeine again) and just have a fun conversation about life and let the stories come up as they may.

However what I can say is that in the past few weeks, perhaps the last month, I have grown more than I have in the past two years. I feel like things have changed, not for the worse either. I enjoyed my time in Russia. I realized things and made decisions to do things I probably wouldn't have done if I never ended up in that beautiful country. People may not like the changed things. Others may love them. Sometimes I feel like I've taken a step backwards, but sometimes you need to take a step backwards to jump ahead two steps. I've become friends with people I wouldn't normally have become friends with and I've joined a new social group I'm proud to be part of. I've realized everyone has something to offer and share and even the things that annoy me aren't such bad things. I've grown more patient, caring and loving. I've grown to appreciate things in other cultures and be grateful for the things I have. 

Things don't always work out the way we want them to. We might think we know who we are and what we want to be and what we want to do. We might have our life planned out and be attacking it step by step. But if there's anything I've learned in the past month, that plan is completely pointless. Things will change. They always do. And when they do. Life gets real. You have to recalculate. You have to stress out and lose your mind for a short bit. You may be pathless and lost. But what's the point of life if there isn't a little shake up once in a while? The Lord likes to keep things interesting and remind us who's actually in control. We can plan all we want. Things will change. You can hate it. You can embrace it. Me?

I'm having an anxiety attack.